Saturday, April 28, 2012

ode to the other side of the desk

oh you people who look at me like i'm an idiot or a jerk for the questions and clarifications i ask of you.  perhaps you have not had the view of humanity provided by this desk.  perhaps you live in a world where people pay attention, mean what they say, understand implications, and are familiar with the delicate distinctions of intricate variations such as "out of ink", "paper jam", or "broken".  perhaps you did listen, and will not be confused or offended by the inevitable controversy of "ma'am, this machine doesn't work," and "sir, you are at the wrong machine."  and perhaps, if we are all very lucky, more people will be able to learn your ability to nod your head dismissively while simultaneously comprehending instructions.  but no, here you return, confused at why it didn't work.

to save us from ourselves

so the other day it suddenly became clear to me why people pair up and live their lives together.
sure there's all that talk about love and romance, and that's great.
but the real reason is to save us from doing those things that we find our selves doing when left to our own devices for too long...
we all have those little things we do when we're alone that we would /never/ do if there was anyone, anywhere around that might possibly catch us, but which seem fairly logical at the time. the longer you live alone, the more of these things you find yourself doing.  some of them turn into habits, and after a while we develop a form of 'solitary induced OCD' (which some people like to call 'independence' or 'a routine').
most of these are okay and just contribute to the adorable quirks that make you your own individual little snowflake .
but here and there are things that should raise a red flag in your brain that let's you know that you need to reign yourself in because there be the path that leads to crazy-cat-lady or creepy-relation status.
like the other day, when i couldn't find a clean plate...
and after checking the dish washer for the third time, hoping that they would magically be clean, i suddenly realized...
...if they'd been in there for weeks...
...and nothing had grown on them yet...
...then they must be clean enough...
and as i pulled out a plate to use, it struck me, *THIS IS A LOGIC DANGER ZONE*

i sat myself down, called my mother, and made her give me an intervention.  and shared with her my new theory.

application ack!

ack!  i am mortified!  why don't i check and edit things better!
i just realized that i have now sent out three applications in the college with errors on them!  nothing major or wrong... just not proper and complete looking...
and even more embarrassing is that i have people listed on there who have done so much to help me and agreed to back me and vouch for me and i didn't do them justice.
will i ever get the hang of this responsible adult thing?!?
maybe 'vouching for me' can include that i was in a state of distress and shock??? though i'm not sure that that is much better...
very much wanting to just crawl in a hole of shame
i just needed to get that out.  sometimes screaming into the ether helps.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

so much for regularity - stress and blog therapy

so it's been a stressful couple of weeks
and since i promised that this wouldn't be a whiny or mopey blog, i have generally avoided it.
the short version is this: insurance sucks and i need a new job.
no, actaully, insurance is awesome, it's not having it that sucks.  and i love my job, but i need one that has benefits... which means i have to start being a real grownup again and get up for mornings.
**sadness and ultimate suffering**

in other, more amusing news...
this happened, in the library last night!

i know!  it's amazing!

also, i just finished reading "lets pretend this never happened" - the book written by the amazing, wonderful, fabulous, and epic jenny lawson, the bloggess, and it's amazing, in that way that only she can be.  i've read her blog for months now, it helps keep me sane... which could be considered ironic, but reading her blog and allie brosh at hyperbole and a half, is like getting group therapy!

so thanks ladies, for helping me get through!
(without ever even knowing it!  yes, you're that good!)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

con artist

i just had a 10 year old looking kid try to con me, using his very deepest adult voice, that he was a 'college person' and needed a computer.
i've seen him in here a few times with his dad.  so i ask him, in my 'completely-taking-you-seriously' tone, if he has his id.
no, he's a new student and they haven't given him his college card yet.
i banter with him a bit and agree that if he went to card services and if they took his picture and if they gave him a student id, then yes, absolutely i would give him full access to anything he needed.
his dad comes out of the restroom and shuffles him off towards the door.  i'm pretty sure the kid is trying to convince his dad to take him by card services.
yeesh, they start young. :)  good luck to his dad, he's in for a long ride!

Friday, April 6, 2012

chasing help running in circles

i was hoping to write regularly, and i suppose that once a week can count a regular.
it's been a stressful week, both good and bad kinds of stress. i promised myself this wouldn't be an overly whiny blog, so i will keep it brief. but i'm dealing with some difficult stuff that i have realized is just beyond me and that i need to crawl outside of my little anxiety hole and ask for help... and i keep getting these circles:
(somewhat paraphrased, but not by much)
me: hi, i need some help with this
them: we don't really do that kind of help. what kind of problem are you having with it?
me: (attempted feeble explanation despite my sadness/confusion that they just said they can't help. maybe they know someone who can?)
them: so you're doing this yourself?
me: yes
them: and no one is helping you?
me: no
them: well since no one is helping you then you must not need any help. why are you wasting our time?
(at this point i get so flustered that i just apologize, excuse myself, and hang up)

this has happened three times... i think i'm somehow approaching this wrong.